I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, October 06, 2008

The Red Machine of Death

Ok, so since you've all heard so much about it, I thought I would post a picture and explain exactly what the Red Machine of Death (RMoD) is. Because I know you're all dying of curiosity, right? Brenda? Aunt Bossy? Anyone?

I had to admit that I was curious to see if I could actually find a picture of it on the 'net or if I would (God forbid) have to take my camera to the the gym and model how to use it. Thank goodness for Google!!

I'm not sure exactly who the Mustachioed Gentleman is, but he is using the machine all wrong. First of all, you are supposed to sit on the little bench provided and shift your weight nervously while you sign in and wait for it to recognize you. Then you stand on the (invisible in this picture) scale that is right next to the red StepUp! sign on the side.

After seeing your weight, you fall back down on the bench in shock and move on to checking your body fat percentage. (Which is demonstrated in the picture below) Last time I tried to measure mine it wouldn't work, so I assume my body fat is down to zero. Yay!

After that, you take a deep breath and place your arm (hopefully NOT the one you write with) into the blood pressure (aka Vice Grip) cuff and sit still. Do not blink. Do not breathe. Do not taunt the cuff. It will just suck tighter and tighter until your bicep explodes. I have never seen this happen because as far as I can tell I am the only one who uses the RMoD, and I ALWAYS follow the rules. I need two arms people! I have children for goodness sake!

Well, maybe the Mustachioed Gentleman knows of another feature I haven't learned about the Red Machine of Death yet. Maybe there's an exercise you can do by stepping up and down and waving your arms behind it. Or maybe he created it and that's why he won't use it the right way. Who knows. For whatever reason, he's displaying himself behind it and we can ignore him. Now let's see it in action, shall we?
These two ladies are enjoying their time with the RMoD. See how happy the woman sitting is to have her body fat checked? She must be at her ideal weight. She looks ecstatic. And the woman standing looks happy too. Now, the screen she's using is very small, so I can't really see what she's doing, but my guess is that she's playing video games. I don't think my RMoD has that option. Or I would be spending a whole lot more time at the gym.

These two pictures showing the RMoD make it look very sweet and almost helpful. Like it's a bucket of fun, and if you miss your turn with the RMoD, you will regret it for the rest of the day. And maybe for people who are skinny, or shed weight quickly, the RMoD is a lot of fun. But for me? Not so much. I would almost swear the one at our gym has fangs and devil horns.

If you're truly interested in learning more about the RMoD, then you can click here. But if you're like me, you already know too much!

Some simple facts: It measures your weight, BMI, body fat, and blood pressure. All good things to know and keep track of. And another bonus is that if you register and take a short energy and goals quiz, a nutritionist will email you with a humorous helpful meal and exercise plan. If you have a Virgin Active Gym (the name is kinda weird, huh?) near you, I highly recommend having your turn on this machine.

It just might frighten you out of inactivity.


  • impromptu-mom

    Yet another reason I thank God for the blessing of my Wii Fit. I can do all of that in my livingroom, in my underwear, if I wish. And do my weeping in private, lol.

  • JulieMom

    That's so cool! How does it work? I mean I've seen the Wii before, but never the Fit. Is it really a workout on a game?!?


  • Eaglemyst

    Kinda makes me wanna stay fat, dumb, and happy, LOL!

  • Mary

    Richard and I are very proud of this little beauty. I have my very own in my living room. Thanks for the promo - the cheque is in the mail :)

  • WendyMom

    That is the same logo as the Virgin record label- HUM- maybe MTV puts this evil machine out! I mean, they have to try and keep the crack head recording artists fit somehow- maybe they use it to record their vital signs so when they keel over, there is no liability on their part!

    Yes, it's true- the Wii has a "fit" game that you can play with the aid of a platformy thingy - we don't own it yet because I still am going to the gym, but I hear it's a blast! Maybe by the time you guys are here again, we'll have it.

    Love you-

  • Aunt Bossy

    Uh--that thing's just a LITTLE intimidating. And couldn't they have made it a nicer, more subtle color--like taupe? Then it could be the Taupe Machine of Truth, instead of the Red Machine of Death. But Poe references are more fun, gotta admit.

    Speaking of fun, thanks to you I'm now making up names for people at the gym. When I have enough interesting ones I'll have to blog about that, too. In my spare time. Well--Columbus Day is coming up, so I may just do that after all!

    And I gotta say, your updated picture--wow! I can see the difference! Just think--when you come back on furlough, you, me & Wendymom will ALL be fit & trim. Can you say, "photo op?" Will keep plugging away with that happy thought in mind.

    Love you!

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