I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, September 29, 2008

When Hallmark Goes Bad

Well, for this happy Monday, I thought I would do an adaptation of an email I recently received. It was full of card ideas for when the writers at Hallmark have a bad day. Some of them were SO funny. And I needed a laugh this morning. Who doesn't need a laugh?

So here are my ideas. In no particular order. Enjoy! (And you'll just have to use your imagination for the card colors and design. I'm sure you can do it.)

****************************************************************

Happy Birthday!!
Since you're a friend that's tried and true,
I thought I'd do something special for you:

I know you hate having such a physical reliance,
So I had your body donated to science!

You leave tomorrow. Pack light.

****************************************************************

When you moved into our neighborhood,
I was so excited!
I couldn't wait to spend more time with you.

And after almost a week,
The fence is now electrified and
Our house is for sale.

Don't try to find us.
****************************************************************

Thanks for the dinner date last Friday night!

Next time could you wear this Brad Pitt mask?
I had it made especially for you, to accentuate your handsomeness.

And to keep down my food. See you at 7:00.
****************************************************************

When you said you had a precious bundle of joy,
How was I to know it was a baby boy?
With so much dark hair it looked kinda funky,
Sorry to say I thought it was a monkey.

Please don't be mad that I threw it up a tree,
I wanted to see it do tricks for me.

The swelling should go down soon on all the lacerations.
Oh, and you should wax him before the dedication.

Congratulations!
****************************************************************

Since the company has done so well this year,
With securing new clients,
And earning huge profits,
We decided it's time to celebrate
By cutting the dead weight.

You're fired.
*****************************************************************

A retirement party!
It's in your honor.
We know you're only thirty-five,
But who are we kidding,
You're WAY past your prime.
It's time for you to go.

See you Tuesday! Oh, and bring a cake.
*****************************************************************

Congratulations on your wedding!

Chuck always said he'd sober up when he found the right woman.
So, good luck with that.
*****************************************************************

Having you for a friend is like:

Nails on a chalkboard.
Needles under my fingernails.
Hot pokers in my eyes.

Can I say it any other way?

You stink.
*****************************************************************

Sorry to hear you lost your job.
I know what it's like to struggle,
And wonder how you're going to get by.

But look on the bright side:
Mom and Dad will harp on you now.
Thanks for the diversion Bro.
*****************************************************************

I want to hear your ideas! Leave them in the comments.
Happy Monday!

2 Comments:

  • Victoria

    I got about 2 hours sleep last night, so my creative mind is numb. But, I still have a sense of humor and am laughing!! Thanks!:)

  • WendyMom

    All I can say is that I will work diligently to keep you happy as my friend, because I never want that sharp wit aimed at me!

    ROFLOL!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin