I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, September 29, 2008

When Hallmark Goes Bad

Well, for this happy Monday, I thought I would do an adaptation of an email I recently received. It was full of card ideas for when the writers at Hallmark have a bad day. Some of them were SO funny. And I needed a laugh this morning. Who doesn't need a laugh?

So here are my ideas. In no particular order. Enjoy! (And you'll just have to use your imagination for the card colors and design. I'm sure you can do it.)


Happy Birthday!!
Since you're a friend that's tried and true,
I thought I'd do something special for you:

I know you hate having such a physical reliance,
So I had your body donated to science!

You leave tomorrow. Pack light.


When you moved into our neighborhood,
I was so excited!
I couldn't wait to spend more time with you.

And after almost a week,
The fence is now electrified and
Our house is for sale.

Don't try to find us.

Thanks for the dinner date last Friday night!

Next time could you wear this Brad Pitt mask?
I had it made especially for you, to accentuate your handsomeness.

And to keep down my food. See you at 7:00.

When you said you had a precious bundle of joy,
How was I to know it was a baby boy?
With so much dark hair it looked kinda funky,
Sorry to say I thought it was a monkey.

Please don't be mad that I threw it up a tree,
I wanted to see it do tricks for me.

The swelling should go down soon on all the lacerations.
Oh, and you should wax him before the dedication.


Since the company has done so well this year,
With securing new clients,
And earning huge profits,
We decided it's time to celebrate
By cutting the dead weight.

You're fired.

A retirement party!
It's in your honor.
We know you're only thirty-five,
But who are we kidding,
You're WAY past your prime.
It's time for you to go.

See you Tuesday! Oh, and bring a cake.

Congratulations on your wedding!

Chuck always said he'd sober up when he found the right woman.
So, good luck with that.

Having you for a friend is like:

Nails on a chalkboard.
Needles under my fingernails.
Hot pokers in my eyes.

Can I say it any other way?

You stink.

Sorry to hear you lost your job.
I know what it's like to struggle,
And wonder how you're going to get by.

But look on the bright side:
Mom and Dad will harp on you now.
Thanks for the diversion Bro.

I want to hear your ideas! Leave them in the comments.
Happy Monday!


  • Victoria

    I got about 2 hours sleep last night, so my creative mind is numb. But, I still have a sense of humor and am laughing!! Thanks!:)

  • WendyMom

    All I can say is that I will work diligently to keep you happy as my friend, because I never want that sharp wit aimed at me!


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