I would love to tell you I haven't exactly resorted to this yet. It would not be a lie, but don't think I haven't thought about it!! Does it count if I continually rehearse long and drawn out torturous death scenarios for my laptop in my mind? And if in those scenarios the laptop has a voice and feelings? And is named Rafael?
I know. TMI.
Anyway, the update is that there is no update. My computer still openly mocks me in front of the kids, and we all just try to ignore it. I have a few tricks up my sleeve that I want to try, but I won't list them here for fear the Prince's laptop will squeal and ruin all my guerrilla tactics. This business of electronic uncertainty is well, uncertain.
I do, however, have a warning.
DO NOT TRUST YOUR COMPUTER TO LOVE YOU IN RETURN!!
No matter how well you take care of it, how you tell the kids not to touch it with food on their fingers, or to eat near it so they won't get crumbs inside it's precious keyboard, how you make sure the separate cooling fan system you bought to keep it's temp low is functioning properly, how you always make sure it's securely shut for the night, how you debug and defrag, and uninstall unnecessary items, no matter how you've loved and cared for it like no other mother has ever loved or cared for her young, your computer will turn against you.
BACK UP ALL YOUR FILES RIGHT NOW!! YES, I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
"But JulieMom, I'm in the middle of reading all my favorite posts from your archives like you recommended. How can you ask me to turn off the funny and do work? Huh? Don't you want me to enjoy myself on the internet in your place?"
No, no I don't. Better you learn this from me now than through a rebellious computer later. Get an account at photobucket and put as many photos there as you can. Backup all word documents and files from other programs onto a CD. Do this often. Make sure you buy the re-writable CDs so you can add to the files later. If not, then label them by date so you can always have the most updated files ready at your fingertips.
You won't be sorry. And maybe someday, even if there is rebellion in your computer's eyes, you will have the upper hand and be able to openly mock it in front of all the other computers at Starbucks (or the library or work, or other place where there is more than one computer) and say with satisfaction: "That JulieMom was right. Ha! Hahahahahahaha. I think I'll thank her by recruiting a million of my closest friends to read and comment on her blog."
And that my friends, would be the sweetest revenge of all.
Of course after you respond with forgiveness and forgetness.