I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, June 23, 2008

Money From Nigeria For Me?

Dear Nigerian Person Who Emailed Me That Has Millions of Dollars You Want to Deposit in My Bank Account:

First of all, I want to thank you for your recent email choosing me as "an truly honest person" to help you with your financial dilemma. While I am very sad for you that your husband died and left you all this money from his oil company and you're in a bad spot because you can't handle the money locally and need to transfer it far far away from you, I must decline your offer.

See, we are missionaries. We are supposed to be poor. (It sounds good in the prayer letters if we're suffering a little and if our kids' clothes looks a little worn out and their faces are dirty in the pictures. It's part of the Unwritten Secret Missionary Code of Honor.) Were I to accept your generous offer of 30% of 66 million US dollars, you have no idea what a wrench that would throw into our support needs. Plus the tithe I would be required to give (though I would do it cheerfully), and the taxes to the US government (done not so cheerfully).

Also, I don't need relatives coming out of the woodwork asking for donations to their needs.

If I were to consider your offer, I must inform you that I am a little confused as to how the transfer would take place. Here is a sentence from your email I need you to explain:

There is no risk involvement because applications will be made to the concerned Federal ministries and parastatal with official approvals given by the Federal government before the Central Bank of Nigeria will be officially empowered to wire the funds to your account by telegraphic transfer.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm a little slow, but I think you made up more than one word in that sentence. Can you really wire money over a telegraph? Amazing! Maybe you meant 'telepathic'.

And your grammar is atrocious. Maybe you should just keep my share of the money and use it toward an English education. It could serve you well in your "business endeavors" in the future. You know, make you sound a little more believable.

Because last time I checked, people don't look for "honest individuals" through email addresses of people they have never met. Just how did you find me? Did you ask for a recommendation from my Pastor, or the President of the United States? (Both of whom are named George by the way.) Are you on a first name basis with either of them?

So many questions that will probably never get an answer. Oh well. I hope you find "an truly honest person" through your email searches, since there aren't any poor people in Nigeria who could benefit from the money in any way. I give you kudos for not blowing it all on a house and new clothes and a lifetime supply of chocolate. And I also hope the 'parastatal' (whatever that is) doesn't give you any trouble.

Kind Regards,

And just as a little note to avoid the hate emails, there is no Unwritten Secret Missionary Code of Honor. And there isn't a President's Secret Book Either. **wink**


  • Mary

    Spoil sport!

    All jokes aside, it worries me, or leaves me dumbfounded (if the truth be known)how anyone actually falls for these scams. It would appear that fall they do. Our Current Affairs programs regularly reveal some scam that has been successfully executed and gullible people weep into the camera warning us not to be fooled.

    Money obviously does some people's head in.

  • JulieMom

    How true!

    I actually read an article on this scam that said some people have insisted being flown to Nigeria only to be murdered and robbed upon their arrival.

    Such a shame.

  • The four little penguins say:

    That's what greed will do for you!
    Julie, I just wanted you to know that it isn't necessarily that my living room is clean... it is more that I have figured out camera angles. ;)
    But that is just a little secret between me and you which I shall forever deny henceforth!

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