I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, May 19, 2008

Stupid New Mom Moment

This is my contribution to the Keepin' It Real Extravanganza going on over at Brenda's.
If you've never been to her site, check it out! And read the posts from other contributing Moms.

I really can't remember any times where I did anything stupid as a new Mom.

*ahem*

Ok, fine. Not so much a stupid moment, but one that I am sure lots of Moms struggle with. And then feel guilty on top of feeling frustrated and bad. You are not alone new awkward Moms!!

Sleeping Beauty was a beautiful new addition to our happy little family. Her being our first baby and all, we tried very hard to make sure she was happy and new she was loved.

And then she refused to nurse.

I cannot tell you the pains we had with this child trying to get her to nurse. She wouldn't. She cried incessantly. It got so bad my nerves were shaky. Every time I heard her cry I would start to shake and get sick to my stomach. I do believe I was suffering from undiagnosed post-partum depression.

Yeah, it was bad.

We had to take her to the doctor because she wasn't eating. And because of all the crying. By this time we had both contracted thrush. Her in her mouth and me on my, um, babyfeeders. When she wouldn't latch on, I had decided to pump. Well, with the infection and the bleeding and all, the milk was going into the bottle pink. No way was I feeding my baby bloody milk.

Double ew.

So I broke down and cried. When we made it to the doctor's office, I was a wreck. The only thing I had been able to eat and keep down since she was born were baby carrots. So my digestive system was all gurgly, my eyes were red from crying and lack of sleep, my brain hurt from guilt that I couldn't nurse my baby, and my heart hurt from lack of love for the little pink screaming thing my hubby valiantly carted around.

When our appointment was over and the doctor told us to try soy formula, (because her earlier suggestion of regular formula was causing Sleeping Beauty to projectile vomit) we could smell that she'd had a present waiting in her diaper. (The baby, not the doc.) The only problem was I hadn't brought the diaper bag. So we sat in the room and I broke down. Again. The guilt of being the worst mother in the world hit me full in the face. The Prince was at a loss as to how to help, so he just sat there and stared at me, open-mouthed. It must have been ten minutes before the nurse came in and asked what was wrong.

In between sobs I managed to get out that I didn't bring the diaper bag and my baby stunk like a smashed frog on route 57 that had been in the sun for a few days. She muffled a laugh (as my paranoid mind recalls) and ran to bring me a whole stack of diapers and a container of wipes. I changed the baby, checked out, and went home to take a much-needed nap.

In the end, however, Sleeping Beauty took to the soy formula like a champ. My love grew in intensity as her propensity for crying dissipated.

Whew! I am so glad those years are behind me.

10 Comments:

  • Mary

    I totally get where you're coming from.My first born was a finicky feeder. I would put her on the left breast and she would squirm and wiggle and refuse to suck. So, I would offer the right. The same thing happened. Back to the left. Try the right again! This went on every feed until magically (usually about the tenth offer) she would latch on and go for it. I stayed with the breast for 5 months. (I know! Worthy of a medal).

  • Brenda

    Oh I've been there with the bleeding and the crying (me, though, not the baby) and the pain---and it WASN'T my first baby!

    I love how Prince just sat there and looked at you. That must have been terribly helpful.Poor man--I would really like to know what he was thinking.

  • Karly

    Oh, bless your heart! You are SO not the only one. So not.

    And, they make breastfeeding sound so EASY. They lie!

    Thanks for sharing. It was fun to stop by!

  • Victoria

    My 7th child is almost a year - I STILL forget the diaper bag. Or, I remember the diaper bag, but forget the diapers.

    However, I always remember the baby. That's the important thing, right?

  • Joni

    wow, so uncomfortable for a guy to read.

    Brother In Law

  • JulieMom

    Joni- didn't know you were a guy! :0)

    But proud of you for making it to the end.

    Brava!!

  • Toni

    Wow. That sounds horrible. I did go to one of our first visits without wipes once and had to ask the nurse for them. However, I had not had all the previous struggles you were dealing with.

    Wow. I am glad you made it through that!

  • WendyMom

    Oh my. Been there, done that!

    It is always the first one, isn't it? It's not bad enough that you don't know what you're doing and you have the new mom nerves and guilt working-- then, somehow, you are supposed to miraculously breastfeed with no problems. YIKES!

    I'm amazed they even let first time moms leave the hospital with the baby, I really am!

  • Joni

    Yeah...I remember those days very well...what would you have done without me?? :)

  • Aliadelaide

    Sounds like lots of us can identify with this one Julie, me included. It was our 3rd child and it took the Plunket nurse to work out what was wrong not the good old gp.(Plunket nurses are "baby" nurses in New Zealand)

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