I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Thursday, January 17, 2008

After Which We Will Never Speak of This Again

Have you ever temporarily lost your mind?

I mean, not like you go postal and shoot a couple hundred people in your neighborhood, (even if they are bad neighbors) but more like you just get curious about something and can't let it drop until you experience it for yourself.

I call it the 'Horror Movie Syndrome'.

You know what I mean. If you've ever seen a horror movie, then you know: one person goes into a room and doesn't come out for ten minutes or so; we've seen them axed by the killer but the other people in the house don't know the killer's there, so they follow the missing person into said 'killing room' while we shout at the tv "DON'T GO IN THERE!!!" If this is familiar to you, then you'll get what I'm about to share.

Well, the Prince, who is a manly man I'll have you know, occasionally has hairs that grow a bit askew from his nasal region, and I feel it my wifely duty to let him know when one is AWOL.

Because we can't have people thinking I don't care if he walks around like that.

So once in a while I offer to pluck them for him, because when he looks in the mirror they obviously become invisible. Or else I assume he would take care of them. For a long while he will resort to "tucking them in". And you can imagine how well that works.

Ahem.

He is very insistent that I not come anywhere near him with tweezers in my hand. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that I plucked his 'unibrow' for him shortly after we were married. Ice and intense rubbing were involved. I haven't done it since.

So that got me to thinking that there must be a reason he doesn't want me plucking hairs willy nilly from his nasal region.

Do you know where this is going?

Yes, I walked right into the bathroom, tweezers in hand, and sought out the lucky hair that would be catapulted into the world of freedom via my bathroom sink drain. And I found the perfect one. I didn't hesitate a bit, because after all, how much could it hurt?

Can I just say, and I can't prove it scientifically but am speaking from experience here, that the inside of your nasal region is covered with a protective shield that, once breached, will send shooting, burning pain straight into your brain, and unleash all the saline from your tear ducts.

Simultaneously.

I imagine the sensation can be compared to a nurse missing her intended mark, and instead of injecting your arm, stabbing a burning white-hot needle into a single follicle inside your protective nasal shield.

Repeatedly.

Let me just clarify for those of you who are slow.

OH. MY. SWEET. MAMA. THE. PAIN.

And when you are finally able to emerge from the confines of the 'killing room', be prepared to use all your savvy to explain away why you are crying. Because you can't very well admit what you've been doing. Just blubber and mumble a bit. Let them think what they want. Your hubby may think it has something to do with him, and may offer to take you out for ice cream.

Just nod your head and go. Cool things can soothe your nasal region.

If you can get the cone up there without people staring.

4 Comments:

  • Missy

    Thanks for making me smile as I read this at a time that no human should be awake. Wish I could figure out whats going on with littlest one. but sseriously thinking your yesterday morphed into my today. sun still isn't in sight and already have 10 dozen cookies finished and 4 loaves of bread. I'm sure, with my now sugar laden body, that sleep time will probably hit during piano lessons. (Think they'll notice a few extra notes as I snore on the couch?)
    Now that internet is up and running which of the 5 email addresses are you using out there? wanted to send some updates pics.

    Love ya!!

  • Brenda

    Well, I have to say that you have breached a new topic in the blogging world. Never have I read a post about nasal hair.

    Now I feel complete!

    And by the way, it IS your wifely duty to take care of these things. Never doubt.

  • Victoria

    That is FUNNY!!!!! Oh, the glamorous life of a missionary!

  • Aunt Bossy

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You know, given your propensity for experimentation, I'm totally not surprised. I'm guessing it hurt worse than the time I ACCIDENTALLY squirted conditioner up your nose. (Come on, you can laugh about it now. Right? Buddy?)

    Love you and miss you TONS. I know Sleeping Beauty's b-day is on Sunday but I don't know where to send the card--argh! Give her a BIG hug & smooch from me. Love you, love you, love you!!

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