I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night...

Ok, I love to read books. And I love to laugh. So, as many of you probably know, every year the University of San Jose hosts the Bulwar-Lytton Fiction Contest. The contest is so named for the man who originated the phrase "It was a dark and stormy night..."

The premise is that people from all over the world write the opening sentence to the world's worst novel. The results can be quite humorous.

So that got me to thinking....

There are a lot of funny people who read my blog, and I bet they could come up with some doozies. So I will get the ball rolling with a sentence of my own. We will be taking on the challenge of writing the opening sentence to the world's worst Science Fiction novel.

My entry:

"It was now dusk, and Rob decided that if the thing with two heads- which sort of reminded him of his mother-in-law on the one head and on the other of his fifth grade teacher Mr. Jenkins, who always had some sort of rash above his left eyebrow that he would openly scratch and then absently flick the flakes of skin that collected under his nails onto the floor like he was not really in a classroom full of 12 year olds but rather alone in his bathroom- moved one more inch he would blast it from here to Albuquerque."

Think you can do better? Write your own in the comments!


  • jen

    are you sure Albuquerque would be in a sci-fi book?? :-)

    I'll try to dream of a good opening sentence...I'll bet I'll come up with a truly terrible one, so hopefully I'll remember it!

  • Joni Webster

    Ok, here goes:
    "It was early dawn one morning - when most people go jogging when it's hot out because it's not so hot at that time, and some people are walking their dogs before work or school (depending on if they're a kid or a grown-up) - and Chip was walking his robot, whom Chip always thought smelled of peanut butter and jelly which, in turn, reminded him of his childhood (nevermind the fact that he was 32 and still living at home) when a liger came out of nowhere (also a robot, but of a much scarier, fiercer kind)!!

  • Janice

    "It would not stop- that screeching, piercing noise that emanated from the ever turning gears that had they been made from titanium or steel or even an aluminum-nickel alloy would have been much less offensive to the tender ear drums that must surely be bleeding by now in the innocent passers by of the scene which was unfolding before their retina-seared eyes."

    Please be kind you grammar guru!

  • Janice

    Um, one more thing... did I tell you we have a manual car?

  • jen

    The light...it's gleaming, it's sparkling, I'm almost there...it's...hmmm...it's out...that rather cancels my quest, thought Oijzsxm, and he dejectedly turned to travel the bazillion light years back to Captain Wqoiz to report his failure.

  • jen

    oh yeah, I have a manual car also...and what could be more fun than learning on a Beetle??!!

  • JulieMom

    Yes, count me in!! I would love to learn in a Beetle....sorry Jan. :0)

    Oh, and your sentences..?

    So Funny! And weird!

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