I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Friday, August 24, 2007

*muffled cheers* My 100th Post!! *lame applause*

Well, my faithful blog reading friends, rejoice with me as I enjoy this, my 100th post!

Yeah, I'm not that excited either. It would be more exciting if I had been blogging a hundred YEARS instead. But I haven't. Because the internet hasn't even been around that long. Do you remember life without it?

Anyway, for this post I thought I would list 100 things you will never hear me say. And since I am an organizingly crazy-minded-type person, I will list them alphabetically. Yeah right. I'm not THAT anal.

And seeing as how 100 things is waaaaay too many, I will just stop when I'm tired. Mm'kay?

Things You Will Never Hear Me Say
1. Really, girls, bring that snake over here, I want to give him a little kiss.
2. Honey, don't get up. I live for washing dishes. Can I also spit shine your shoes, pretty please?
3. No, I'm not in the mood for an ice-cold Coke. I'll just have some warm brown tap water.
4. Nope. I have absolutely nothing to add to this conversation.
5. Oh, shucks. The only size left is a 0 1/2, and you KNOW how baggy that will be on me...
6. You need the laptop Honey? No, I wasn't planning to blog today. Use it as long as you need to.
7 Please, pass me the creamed spinach. I just can't get enough!
8 You know, I think I would like my hair better if it were just a little curlier.
9. Oh no, kids, your questions aren't bothering me at all. Please, ask a thousand more if you like!
10. Come on kids!! Last one to jump on Mom's bed until you pass out is a rotten egg!
11. Sure, invite the whole 'A' section of the phone book to your birthday party. You know money is NEVER an object.
12. Don't be all formal in saying 'Yes Ma'am' when you answer me kids. 'Whatever Julie' works just as well. Manners are so outdated.
13. There's a little too much popcorn in my bowl. Anyone like some?
14. Sleep is over-rated. Stay up as long as you like kids! And feel free to shop HSN while I'm asleep.
15. I'm thinking of adopting another stray. I just LOVE ANIMALS.
16. Epidural, Schmepidural. This labor thing can't take THAT long.
17. Could y'all turn Dora up, I can't hear from these two floors down.
18. This hat just looks *peachy* on me! I'll buy one in every color.
19. I would love to stay and chat, but I have to run home and catch the most recent episode of 'The Bachelor'.
20. Punch her harder! After all, she did look at you when you didn't want her to.
21. Sports Illustrated called. Yes, they want me to do the cover. Again.
22. No, it's not too early to call. It's only 6AM. I've been up for hours already.
23. I know. My skin is just like porcelain. Yes, yes, if you want me to give you my skin care regimen, I will write it down. And you don't have to pay me. I'm happy to give it out for free.
24. Honey, I really wish you would find some guy friends to have over and watch football with on Monday nights. Or heck, every night. I will be happy to clean up after you in the morning.
25. More intimacy? I thought you would never ask!
26. That quilt? Oh, my Grandmother made it, but you can use it for your dog to give birth on. No problem.
27. My, my, my....I need to gain some weight.
28. I wish you girls had more toys. With smaller pieces.
29. I really wish corsets would come back in style.
30. Whitney Houston's looking good these days.
31. I didn't get enough of that. Could you puff your cigarette a little more directly in my face?
31. I know, the likeness between myself and Angelina Jolie is uncanny.
32. I love me a hairy-backed man. Mmm-mm!
33. No AC for me, thanks. My hair does much better in the humidity.
34. Yes!! Pick me!! I'd love to clean out your horse barn.
35. I don't understand. Tell me again why women need the right to vote?
36. I never missed an episode of American Idol. Not since forever.
37. Drive? No thanks, I'd rather walk.
38. I love it when the sales people are rude.
39. Who put these muddy footprints on the freshly mopped kitchen floor? THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU!!
40. Video games are my life.
41. Will someone please come over here and climb on me?
42. Dusting is my secret passion.
43. I just can't say enough about that Joyce Meyer. She's my favorite preacher.
44. That Joel Osteen just preaches the Word of God like nobody's business!
45. I wish my blog wasn't so popular.

That's enough torture for all of you tonight. Happy 100th post!! And congrats on making it to the end. Good night.

4 Comments:

  • Megan (FriedOkra)

    Too funny. I love the one about the curly hair. :) And the questions!

  • Janice

    you have just reached another level in my "levels of Admiration"...! (I actually needed to create the level just for you !!)

  • Mary

    Nice list! I'm with you on snakes, eek! They don't have those in Africa right? LOL

  • WendyMom

    Can I have one of those Serenity pads now?

    I'm in desperate need from all the laughing...oops, too late!

    Awesome list! Fits you to a tee.

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