I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Friday, August 31, 2007

Customer Service Isn't What It Used to Be

Well, well, well...

Today my computer decided to have itself a stroke.

Which wouldn't be so bad, except that now it takes twice as long in the bathroom, and slurs it's 'S's. So, of course, I got on the Prince's computer and had a little chat with the online customer service department of my computer company. Which I will not name. Except to tell you it sounds somewhat similar to 'The Farmer in the Dell'. Or something like that. Maybe you've heard of it?

Anyhoona, The name of the person who was helping me was something foreign and hard to pronounce, so let's just pretend his/her name was something easier to say. Like Rumpelstiltskin.

I will tell you right now that customer service is not what it used to be. And I mean, NOT. The customer service "tech" was helpful and all, but I swear he/she acted like I was a complete idiot. And I am pretty computer savvy.

I will now relay to you our conversation. Word for word. Or something like that. You can see for yourself just how things went.

Rumpelstiltskin: Hello. This is The Farmer in the Dell's online customer service department. How may I help you?
JulieMom: Um, yeah. I'm having a problem with my computer.
Rumpel: Ok, can you please give me your phone number?
JulieMom: Um, no. I don't know your policy about dating customers, but I'm married. I just have a problem with my computer. Not my phone. This is The Farmer in the Dell's online customer service, is it not?
Rumpel: Yes. I need your phone number in case the line is disconnected due to a power outage, or other unforeseen event.
JulieMom: Oh, is it storming in your area? It's really sunny here, and I don't expect the power to go out at all. And judging by your name, I am assuming you live a really long way away, and it would be expensive for you to call me when we can just do this quick over the internet. Right?
Rumpel: Alright. What is your trouble?
JulieMom: Well, I tried to turn on the computer this morning, and the OS will not boot up. There is an error message saying there is a corrupted file.
Rumpel: Alright. (15 sec pause)
JulieMom: (Who doesn't like long silences, especially with customer service type calls, because it just causes unnecessary paranoia, keeps talking to fill time.) So what I did was press F12 when the boot screen came up, and then pressed 'r', but it didn't do anything. Is that a normal problem? Have you had that problem before?
(45 second silence)
Rumpel: Alright. (10 sec pause) Do you have the Operating System Disk? It is a CD.
JulieMom: Yes. Somewhere. Give me a minute to find it. (Rifles through the filing cabinet with the speed of a one minute waltz in cut-time so the person online will not think I am a disorganized person.) Ok, I found it. No problem at all. It was right in the front of my totally organized filing cabinet. I am a very neat person. No disarray in my home. AT ALL. So, what should I do next?
Rumpel: Alright. Put the CD into the drive slot.
JulieMom: Sure. Ok, done. That was easy. :0)
Rumpel: Alright. (20 second pause) Please close the CD slot and restart your computer.
JulieMom: Ok. It might take awhile because it's not feeling well, and I know when- oh! It's done already. Okee dokee. I'll just start it up again.
Rumpel: Alright.
JulieMom: Just a sec while it reboots.
Rumpel: Alright. Press F12 When The Farmer in the Dell screen appears.
JulieMom: Ok, sure. I can do that. Ooops! I was typing to you, and I missed the screen. Should I restart the computer again? Sorry.
Rumpel: Alright. Is there anyone around who can help you?
JulieMom: Why would you ask me that? I am perfectly capable of- Oh! You made me miss it again. Let me reboot it. Sorry!
Rumpel: Alright.
(Silence, though I know there is eye rolling, and sighing somewhere around the globe)
JulieMom: Ok, I did it this time. Got it. What should I do now?
Rumpel: Alright. Press 'R', and that will start the repair process.
JulieMom: Ok, when you say 'R' do you mean just the letter 'r' on the keyboard, or does it have to be capitalized where I need to push the shift button too?
Rumpel: Alright. Just push the letter 'r' button. It will be fine. Then back away from the computer. In fact, why don't you take a break and get a glass of water?
JulieMom: Ok. I pushed 'r'. I am now going to take a break. Back in a minute.
Rumpel: Alright.
(Three or so minutes later...)
JulieMom: Rumpelstiltskin, are you still there? Sorry! I got a glass of water like you said, and then one of my daughters knocked it off the counter. So I had to clean that up, and while I was wiping it up, another one slipped in it and hit her head on the floor, so I gave her an ice pack and called the Dr. because I wasn't sure if she had a concussion or not. And then I totally forgot about you. So sorry! What should I do next?
Rumpel: Alright. Alright. Alright. Um, you know what?!? Never mind. Did the repair process start?
JulieMom Oh no! Don't be mad. The battery died. I forgot to plug it back in. Give me just a minute. I'll have it set back up in no time.
(Two minutes later)
JulieMom: Ok, it's back up and I followed your previous instructions. Yes, the repair process has started.
Rumpelstiltskin: What percentage is completed?
JulieMom: 45%
JulieMom: 46%
JulieMom: 47%
Rumpel: Alright. I don't need a play-by-play. The process will take about 50 minutes. I will check back with you after that time to make sure everything is alright. Can you confirm your number please?
JulieMom: Ok. You need my phone number? Ok it's 555-555-5555.
Rumpel: Alright. I'll call you in 50 minutes. Is there anything else I can help you with?
JulieMom: I don't think so. Thank you!
Rumpel: Thank God. Have a nice day and thank you for choosing The Farmer in the Dell.

Now I ask you, was there cause that I should be treated like a common moron? If that person had children, they would know that was a mild day. Thank God it wasn't online video chat, and they would've seen us all still in our jammies at 2 in the afternoon. Whew! Oh, and by the way? The repair mode is STILL running. I think I'll need to chat again and see if this is normal.

Wonder what Rumpelstiltskin's hours are?

3 Comments:

  • Summer in FL

    Oh, you crack me up! I had an issue with our wireless router one time and had to speak with a rep (some underpayed person in another country) over the phone and after like 30 minutes of speaking with this person and troubleshooting, we got disconnected. Oh, yes sister, we did! And when I called back, do you think I was able to ask for the person that I had been speaking with. Absolutely not! So, we had to start the whole evolution over again!

  • T with Honey

    Customer service treats everyone like a complete idiot. It is all part of the troubleshooting scripts they have to follow.

    It is REALLY frustrating for Honey and I since we are computer professionals. We always have to ask to speak to a technician instead of a customer service/help desk operator.

  • Janice

    I called once, and it was only three minutes. I completely understood every clipped and accented word...not to mention his bubbly and conversational personality- just charming...

    NOT!!!!

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