I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Wowza. Garbage For Cash, Anyone?

This morning started off so lovely. I slept in until 9:17 A.M. What a great way to start my day. It was especially nice since there were no kids in my bed, and no one had yet asked me for breakfast. Which is surprising, since I promised water balloon fights today.


The Prince came in shortly thereafter (and was immediately smitten with my beautimous self) from working on (dun-dun-DUN) THE PLAYGROUND (which is an upcoming post) and asked me if I could call the bank and check about that whole 'money order thing'.

Because, when we sent in our visa applications for South Africa, we apparently sent in the WRONG FORMS. Because from the time we were told which forms, until the time we had sent them in, there was a POLICY CHANGE. It was not posted on the lovely interweb, so of course we had no idea of this alleged "CHANGE".

Long story LONGER FOR THE SAKE OF HUMOR, they sent us our money order back because the correct fee would be less money. Me, never having dealt with money orders before, told the Prince- "Oh, I think it's just like a check you're going to void. Just rip it up and throw it away."



Turns out when you purchase a money order, the money is taken directly out of your account IN THAT SAME INSTANT. So, we were already out $500 some odd dollars. And now we had ripped up the evidence.

So call the bank I did.

And 'Tiffany' (yes, her real name) was extremely courteous. I relayed the whole story to her, (in a light-hearted 'pity me' voice) about what happened and how I had never dealt with money orders before, and could she please just give back our money in exchange for the funny story she would now have to tell? Basically I spelled out for her that I AM AN IMBECILE. And I want the world to know it.

Of course she laughed the nervous laugh of those dealing with the mentally ill, and asked if she could call back in half an hour. I, of course, said sure! Because that would probably give me enough time to ROOT THROUGH THE GARBAGE.

We hung up, and I donned rubber gloves (in my pjs and morning hair and au naturale face) and headed outside where the Prince was waiting with four garbage bags. This being garbage day and all, we needed to hurry before the trucks came.

I know the Prince and I have been wanting to spend more quality time alone together, but I really think the whole smell of our past week's now-rotten dinners and my state of beauty at the time, put a little damper on what could have otherwise been a Kodak moment. The kids, strangely enough, were nowhere to be found.

One garbage bag. Empty. No money order. Yikes. *gulps*

The girls show up and ask incredulously : "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?"

Me: "Bring me another one. Second garbage bag, razzle frazzle... Ribs, pasta jars, Ew! *retch* What IS that?!? No, don't tell me. I don't really want to know." (Digging gingerly so as to show my girls that you can look and act like a lady, even when you're up to your elbows in garbage.) "Jackpot!! I found some pieces!!"

The Prince, up to this point, had been standing to the side watching me, with that look of disgust/awe on his face, akin to the expression he had on the video when our first daughter was born and I received an episiotomy.

He's all gung-ho now, and takes the bag from me, while I, apparently, have been delegated the task of putting the pieces back together because I'm good at puzzles and stuff.

I AM THE LUCKIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!! Guinness Book of World Records- start the timer!

I admit, I did have to remove the gloves to get hold of the pieces. I KNOW- EW!! Especially the ones that were slimy. (*retch*) And stained. (*gag*)

But put that thing together, I did. And when it was all said and done, it looked something like this:

I'm just glad I didn't absent-mindedly lick a finger. *shudders*

Let me tell you, there is not enough hot water in the world to make you feel clean after you've touched and been deeply acquainted with your garbage. I made do with dish soap and HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT water. I can't feel my hands, but boy are they shiny and clean!

So I call Tiffany back, (and I call her Tiffany because she knows my personal business now) and triumphantly inform her that 'I HAVE FOUND IT, BLAST IT ALL!'

And her reaction?

Tiff:"Um, yeah, my manager said we can just stop payment on it, since the records show it hasn't been cashed yet. But it will be a $25.00 fee. So, would you like to come in so we can do that?"
Me: "I'm sorry, did you say that stopping payment was an option?"
Tiff: "Yes. But you need to come in to do that."
Me: (After screaming bloody murder into a dish towel) "Sure, Tiffany, that sounds great."

Apparently when I mentioned that fact that I would be digging through garbage, she thought I was kidding. And I guess the effort's not worth the $25 fee either. No matter how good the story behind it is.

So the Prince went down to the bank with said NASTY money order in a plastic bag. And I prepared to shave all the hair off my body and dip myself in rubbing alcohol.

I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today. If there's a document you're not sure you'll need, but you want to dispose of it anyway, rip it into little pieces, and then put it in a ziploc BEFORE throwing it in the garbage. Because then, when you have to go back and dig it out, you'll have all the pieces.

And they won't be slimy *retch* or stained *gag*.


  • Michelle

    I'm gonna have to send some people your way to read this story!!!
    And you deserve a merit badge or something!!!

  • Rosemarie

    Hi, I'm here by way of Michelle.

    Thanks for the chuckle! If you brought said money order in hand couldn't they just cash it out and you could save the $25.00 fee?

    Growing with Julia

  • Rebekah

    I'm here via Michelle too.
    That is a classic story that I'm sure will live for generations. I can see you sharing the story with future grandchildren! hahahaha!

    I see you're heading for the mission field. My husband works for Avant Ministries, they're a missions agency, and I grew up on the mission field in Central America. I say that to tell you we will be praying for you that God will bless your work and your family for your service to Him.

    If there is a newsletter you send out I would love to sign up for it!


  • FriedOkra

    Before I forget I wanted to pop in and tell you that right after I read this hilarious post I went outside and a neighbor told me about a news story she'd just seen about a lady's dog eating $800 (in the form of 8 100 dollar bills, to be exact.) She later did her share of tweezing and recovered enough pieces to turn in get $700 back from a bank. How would you like to have been the one to retrieve and stick THOSE back together? Glargh.

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