I Chronicles 29:11 "Thine, O LORD, is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty:for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all."

Monday, June 25, 2007

Dental Techs Could Should Be Considered Terrorists

I was awakened this morning with a phone call from my dentist office informing me they had a cancellation at 10:30AM and could you come in on such short notice? Like they're hurting for money and NEEDED me DESPERATELY to come and fill a chair. So I went. I'm generous like that.

The history of my dental experience has been limited, seeing as how I hadn't gone from the years 1995-2006. Yeah, a little late in scheduling a check up. I know. I said, I KNOW. Stop wagging your finger and shaking your head like that. I have been faithfully going (and paying out the wazoo) since last year when I had a crown put in. Because apparently, contrary to popular belief, fillings don't last forever!

Now, when I had that first appointment last year, I wondered if the silver in my fillings could have possibly maybe melted a little and pooled around the gum line on some of my teeth, because there was a darkish abnormallish type stain at said gumline. The dentist was very blunt with me and said it was plaque. Plaque, he said, that could have developed over the past, I don't know, ELEVEN YEARS. Give or take. So I am thinking he has just never seen fillings melt before, and chooses to side with logic. Whatever.

Well, the dental hygienist I had this morning looked nice and gentle. Just like a Grandma. My Grandma. Except it couldn't have been because my Grandma died. Four years ago. But it looked like her. Except my Grandma didn't walk around with a surgeon's mask on. At least not on holidays.

Anyway, this sweet grandma-lady gave my teeth the once-over with 'the hook'. Then she got the little mirror out and checked. She was ever so kind and encouraging, telling me what a good job I've done keeping my teeth clean, and flossing. I smiled a proud, 'look at my nice teeth, Grandma' smile. Like she hadn't seen enough of them already. What with her hand down the back of my throat and all.

So we moved on to the cleaning part of the visit. She asked me in hushed tones if I had ever had them do the ultrasound scaling on my teeth to clean them. Hushed tones should have been my first clue that this was a contraband machine, used only by underground dentists in Russia. I don't know what evil brought it to America, but I can tell you, it isn't pretty. My money is on the Clintons.

It seems this is a new weapon for the dentist's War on Plaque. BEWARE THE GUM INFLAMER 5000 I say!! It's the newest in dental plaque-fighting technologies. And it's probably already in your office. You just don't know about it. Yet.

What they do is take a very innocent looking dental device, and literally use vibration and water power to scale off the plaque. It's like a power-washer for your mouth. I think the psi is like 3,000 or something. It's that powerful.

I really should have had second thoughts when she handed me my goggles and said (in hushed tones) that if it wasn't "working out" to just let her know and we would go back to the old 'scrape and bleed' method. After the first section of teeth had been power washed and I rinsed in the 'dental spit potty' next to my chair, I REALLY should have been alarmed by the sheer amount of blood loss.

But it only took three days to get through the rest of my mouth, and by the time it was over, I was talking like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. I was in such a state of vibration shock that I nodded my head no matter what was asked of me, and drooled all over myself. But I tell you what, my teeth are CLEAN. So what am I doing now? I am eating M&Ms. Because without that, there would be no need for the Gum Inflamer 5000. And we all know that those dentists in Russia need our support.


  • Ruth

    oh dentists!!! i have paid my fair share of their salaries in my 35 years!

    i haven't gone in a few years...but after reading your post i am feeling a little convicted....it's just that every dentist i have been to is a little like going to the mechanic (for me) -- NOT TO SAY that there aren't good, honest wonderful dentists out there -- mine have always seemed to add a bunch of extras that i wasn't looking to purchase.

    shalom to you!!!

    ps loved your previous post too. on the albert einstein quote.

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